July 29, 2014
Antonio de Mairena
from Juan de Mairena
To see things as they are, the eyes must be opened; to see things as other than they are, they must be even wider; to see things as better than they are, they must be open to the full.
At a recent family meeting my wife came up with the idea of each of us thinking of three positive things that happened that day or the previous day. We started this morning when I sent an email with my three things to her, and my son (16) and daughter (18). So far, my wife has replied with her three.
It felt weird, but it felt good. I had to open my eyes wider.
We are trying to get out of a rut.
July 28, 2014
This title was inspired by Helen Keller’s quote below from We Believed -
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
July 26, 2014
Born in the 17th century, there is plenty about George Berkeley’s life and work that don’t really fit into the 2014 mindset. We are conditioned to see contradictions between his viewpoints, but this quote perhaps can serve as a warning not to let our post-modern ‘dust’ get kicked up to blind us as we consider his contributions. He was a Christian apologist, and even has a feast day in the Episcopal Church, and yet his empirical philosophy is widely recognized as opening the way to the work of philosophers Kant and Hume, and the scientist Einstein.
July 25, 2014
What are you waiting for? Other people to be nicer, for more money, for nicer weather? Live all you CAN. This quote is not about getting yourself all uptight because what you currently can do is not meeting some expectation you or someone else has of you. It also says to do it ANY time, no time pressure to get it perfect by a certain deadline.
Just do whatever.
March 29, 2014
Any solution to the very tough problem of anger can’t be either overly simple or complicated. Building on Dr. Carl Semmelroth’s work, I came up with four steps that resulted in an acronym that I hope will help users get to the root of the anger problem. RAD(D) is short for ‘radical’ which also means ‘root’. RAD(D) also refers to something kind of cool and appealing in a way that startles you, though it was in more common use in the 80’s. I hope RADD helps you and your clients break your anger trance and make progress in being more calm, confident and effective. It is well worth the effort. Memorize it and be RADD ;)
Recognition of the anger you feel
Acceptance that you are mentally impaired when angry
Determination to solve the problem that provoked the anger later when you are unimpaired
Diversion of your thinking from ‘fuel for anger thoughts’ to anything else until you are unimpaired (15 minutes)
March 2, 2014
‘ Prediction’ is another word for ‘assumption’ , ‘expectation’ or ‘guess’. If you don’t predict anything for a negotiation event, you can’t have an ‘unpredictable’ negotation, right? It takes a lot of mental discipline not to give into the ‘prediction habit’. What makes it even harder to resist is that ‘everybody’ else is doing it. Jim Camp comes along and says you should pay attention to the cause-effect nature of emotion – vision – decision because it is scientifcally proven and readily observable by all of us. He even dares to say that you lack a systematic way to discover and build vision in your adversaries, and it will get even worse for you, because assumptions are your only alternative in a negotiation. Welcome to the scary unpredictable world of negotiation, created by you because of your prediction addiction, that either drives you to early compromise or manipulative tactics. Everybody does it, so it must be ok. And there is a whole industry profiting off your fear – you are going to be vulnerable to becoming prey to the legion of expert predictors out there who throw around vague terminology that cannot be operationalized and render you dependent on the props they use to create the illusion that adopting their opinions will make you safe. Terms like relationship – emotional connection – personality – style – wise – win-win – competitive envioronment … the list goes on and on of bait terms that they use to get the hook in your mouth.
Families are not immune to this manipulation, and they are even more vulnerable because they don’t like to refer to their communication as ‘negotiation’ until they are going through a divorce. Who profits from this? Lawyers, for starters, and Dr. Phil and the rest of the relationship/self-help industry.
February 28, 2014
There are many reasons why individuals and teams negotiate badly. But one is the lack of insight into the event at hand. What are you delivering to your adversary in this event? What is holding back this event from moving forward? What is emotionally troubling you? And your adversary? What are you going to communicate? How will you communicate it? Ask yourself this simple question: Who must see what, now? Answer it beginning with yourself – and you will start developing the insight you require.
Camp Negotiation Coach
“Who must see what, now? Answer it beginning with yourself ….” – fantastic Santhosh! A much bettet question than ‘what should I do” which does not get us into the visual/emotional part of the brain where decisions happen. -Wim