How bad is divorce for kids?

I am divorced from the mother of my oldest two kids. It has been about 7 years since the divorce and things are ok. I like this excerpt from


Many researchers in the field of psychology are acutely aware of the difficulty in eliminating subjective influence on research about human beings and human relationships. When looking into the effect on children of parental conflict and divorce it is easy to come up with harmful consequences – if that is what is being looked for. The possibility that there may be positive outcomes is often not considered, and thereby the results are distorted.

Having reviewed the research on the effects of divorce, child development expert Rudolf Schaffer concludes that ‘the majority of children experience problems in the months immediately following divorce’, but ‘in the long term children show considerable resilience; they are able to readjust to a large range of new family circumstances’. Although maladjustment is more likely in children of divorced parents than non-divorced parents, the vast majority ‘do not show any severe or enduring problems’ (5).

For my part. I have to say that my kids show considerable resilience.

I think kids need us to believe in this resilience, even when they are hurting.  Not to say that you shouldn’t comfort and nurture them, but we also ought  expect them to do well, and bounce back when they don’t. Sounds simple enough but the prevailing wisdom these days is to see kids as valuable but fragile treasures.


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