I found this post in a post here – http://www.firstthings.com/blogs/theanchoress/2009/11/16/you-have-to-break-my-heart-always/comment-page-1/#comment-273344
It is the prayer of an Roman Catholic priest during his ordination. It definitely is recognizably RC with its emphasis on suffering as the path to grace. It is touching and challenging.
I had no doubt about what to ask. I was sick, and it was killing me, but I specifically didn’t ask to get better. I said, “Lord you know that I will forget to follow you and depend on you . You know that I will not turn to you anymore as your child if I feel I can make it on my own. So you have to break my heart always, you have to keep me poor and humble, you have to keep me incapable of anything without you. You have to make it clear to me that I can do nothing without your grace, and that will never be clear to me if I think things are going well. You have to break my heart.”
I gave this response in the comment section:
I read this line, and I thought something was missing:
“You have to make it clear to me that I can do nothing without your grace, and that will never be clear to me if I think things are going well.”
I would add – “or not” – to the end. If you want to become more aware of how you depend utterly on God, you can’t decide how he is going to help you with that. You can ask for a sign you can recognize, and this priest certainly expresses his preference based on what he knows about himself – so far.
But maybe that is the real heartbreak, you are going to have depend on God without easily recognizable and convincing prompts, as opposed to heartbreak by “things not going well”.
But I could be wrong – or not.
The Anchoress heads her blog with this quote:
“Ideas create idols, only wonder leads to knowing. ”
St. Gregory of Nyssa
….ideas about suffering (or not) included.
The story of Abraham being commanded to sacrifice Isaac, then not…comes to mind. God seems to promise to just confound us if we become to certain(or not) and lose our capacity to wonder.