The intelligent use of ‘no’ with kids ( and anyone)

From a yahoo article:

We’re too negative.

“Don’t hit your sister!” “Stop pulling the dog’s tail!” The number of things you tell your toddler or preschooler not to do is endless.

THE FIX Ask for the behavior you want to see. Nobody wants to raise a child who doesn’t understand limits, but “parents say ‘no’ so frequently that kids become deaf to it — and the word loses its power,” Dr. Borba explains. Moreover, “we often tell kids not to do something without letting them know what they should be doing,” notes Linda Sonna, Ph.D., author of The Everything Toddler Book. So save the naysaying for truly dangerous situations (think: fork in the electrical socket or your child eating the spider plant), and focus on telling kids how you would like them to behave. For example, instead of, “No standing in the bathtub!” try, “We sit down in the bathtub because it’s slippery.” Later, when you notice your kid splashing away in a seated position, offer some praise (“I like how you’re sitting!”) to reinforce her good behavior.

my thoughts: I think we have been conditioned to see ‘no’ as negative, but is it negative? What is ‘no’ really? It is a decision that has been made. Once we say ‘no’ though,  we need to  work to build vision in our kids about how they can solve their problems and get what they want. This article decribes that nicely, though I don’t agree that we should only use no in life threatening situations. We want our kids , and anyone from whom we are wanting a decision, to feel comfortable saying no and hearing it.


One Response to “The intelligent use of ‘no’ with kids ( and anyone)”

  1. William Chase Says:

    Being a thoughtful parent requires….ahhh…..thought! I liked this aspect of this yahoo article and shared some of my ideas too.


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