Archive for June, 2012

Leadership, management, and team building trainers go to negotiation trainers when they are ready to get paid

June 27, 2012

Words like leadership really excite Americans, maybe because of our history of rugged individualism. Our ancestors were people who did not negotiate, at least in our minds, they took the bull by the horns and left everything and started a new life in America.  

This is so appealing in so many ways – clean breaks, not messy like negotiation is seen to be. We also like the word manage. Clean – intellectual.  We like team  too – the product of a negotiation, and the messy disagreements at least appear to be resolved while we call ourselves a team.

Enter the word negotiation.  Falls kind of flat – doesn’t it?  or icky?

Take a deep breath.

It is time for you to forget everything you think you know about negotiation.

Go to this website and watch the video. I show up at the end.   www.campnegotiationinstitute.com

Negotiation training at the Camp Negotiation Institute provides tremendous advantage to those who put in the work. The products I have purchased have more than paid for themselves simply because I have become better at negotiating through the Camp system. Money is just a tip of the iceberg in terms of the benefit it has brought me, my clients, and my family.

Read Jim’ s book, or download the free audiobook.

If you want to jump right in – I can coach you through the first two courses – just mention my name.

And if you are just too busy,  you really ought to take a look, because even reading/ hearing a couple of chapters in the book will sharpen your  saw so that you can make faster progress on the pile of wood that is looming over you.

If you have questions call me at (401-996-6198) or email me at wchase5@yahoo.com

 

You hurt your therapy clients when you waive fees for missed appointments

June 25, 2012

How much do you clients value the effort they put into therapy? One can never say for sure, but they won’t value it more than you do. If they miss an appointment and you don’t charge them, what is the harm? Well, they don’t get to think about what they are getting from therapy as they pay their balance. Even better, they complain about the fee and you can ask them to explain why they would pay it – what is not happening in therapy that is making them reluctant to pay for your time.  It would really help them for you to know that so you can make corrections if possible. They at least deserve that from their therapist.

Like Winston Churchill said about Britain and America, you and I are countries separated by a common language

June 21, 2012

Winston Churchill said that Britain and America were two countries separated by a common language.  Using the same terms does not equal agreement on their meaning.  As individuals, we too are often separated by a common language.

I love you.

Do we agree on the meaning of love?  It may not matter if you and I agree, I  am just some blogging guy. How important might that be to us though –  to know that the person we are saying that to, or who says that to us, is at least in same ballpark as we are from a meaning standpoint? 

What does David Lee Roth of Van Halen say about love?

Ain’t talkin’ ’bout love! My love is rotten to the core” 

See how maddening this can be – we live in a semantic minefield. Is it any wonder that our world has problems?

So what is the solution? For me, when you are dealing with efforts to make agreements, you are talking about negotiation.

David Lee Roth’s words from that song are his reflections on a negotiation for something he wanted. Sex.  He never uses the term,  sex, but he is very clear that he is not talking about love. 

Now you may not agree with my definition of negotiation.  You may think solutions  lie elsewhere – love, God…

Negotiation as a concept usually brings up a lot of negative associations with other terms like compromise, bargaining, politics, litigation, boring, soulless, etc

But a decontamination process around the concept of negotiation and its uses exists! I think it may be as  important to humanity as the discovery of hand washing was to preventing infection and fatality in surgical patients. But who wants to admit that they are dirty in some way? If you live in a dirty environment, and don’t have access to soap, you are not to blame. Nonetheless, if someone says you have dirt on your face and offers you soap, and you  ignore them,  it would be only fair for you to accept some blame for the consequences .  

So what do you do now? Read Jim Camp – he is the soap – you have to bring the water.  

Easy , right 🙂

No – hard.

We construct/reconsruct our identities as survivors of loss and trauma in negotiation with others.

June 20, 2012

 
This is a quote from a manual at a seminar I attended titled Coping with Grief: Clinical Interventions for Normal and Complicated Bereavement  . Harold Ivan Smith, MA, ED.S., FT
 
: First time I have heard the term ‘negotiation’ in my field originate out of someone else’s mouth.
 
This guy saves St. Lukes Hosptial in Kansas City MIssouri millions by preventing mostly unnecessary lawsuits from patients and their families who’ve experienced a loss connected to the hospital. He speaks to their ‘real problem’- their grief  and the new negotiations they have been thrust into following the loss.

If you had a magic wand and could learn anything before traveling to China, Chinese would be the wrong choice.

June 19, 2012

You would be better off mastering negotiation. You can negotiate to find someone to translate, but even if you know Chinese, if you don’t know how to negotiate, you could have some serious problems.

So as good as you may be at what you do in any arena of life, if you haven’t mastered negotiation, you are holding yourself back.

Pick up basketball, engineering, gardening, psychotherapy, surgery, sex………I can’t think of any exceptions.

Simplistic? Please comment.

Remember fathers who’ve lost children, and children who’ve lost fathers today

June 17, 2012

Abraham Lincoln constantly attended funerals while President, even on Christmas. Few of us know what to say when we go to a funeral, but he would say this, “I want to condole with you.”

Several of Abe and Mary Lincoln’s offspring died as children, maybe most notably Willie who died while living in the White House. http://showcase.netins.net/web/creative/lincoln/education/williedeath.htm Only Robert Lincoln outlived his parents.

How did Abraham Lincoln survive so much pain in his life? His wife was driven to madness by so much grief, he suffered the same losses, and the country was burning under his watch. as it endured one of the bloodiest wars in history.

I think that we can take a hint from those words, ” I want to condole with you.”  He didn’t send condolences, as we are prone to do now,  he was intent on condoling with grieving people – present tense sharing of pain. He kept it real -not easy to do when you are the President.

 I think somehow it strengthened him, helped not feel so alone with his own grief and troubles, offered him persepective. Only a truly great man would do it, and it was part of what made him great.

He understood what Eleanor Roosevelt meant when she said, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

I hope we can resurrect the word ‘ condole’, and it might be something all of us can remember to do today for fathers who’ve lost children, and children who’ve lost fathers.

Here is a prospecting letter that I have settled on

June 10, 2012

Check it out:

Hi Reader,

 I wanted you to know that I have taken a position as an academic coach at the Camp Negotiation Institute,   a new direction for me.

 I am contacting you so that the next time you might stress out about or walk away disappointed from an effort to reach an agreement personally or professionally, you will have a new option in your possession.  

 Best,

 Wim

 www.campnegotiationinstitute.com

www.amazon.com   (search author Jim Camp)

 (401) 996-6198

wchase5@yahoo.com

So what do you think of it? I wrote a lot of drafts and I was trying too hard to be clever. This draft was short and succinct, and I think it gets across exactly what I want to bring to the reader, a new option to solve a problem that arises for all of us. It came to me  that I had to be more concise after talking to a friend about opening emails at work. Who wants to read clever wordy emails at work?

How can we improve as therapists?

June 8, 2012

I would point to the importance of what goes into making decisions. From what I have been studying, all decisions are 100% emotional with vision until the decision is reached. After it is reached, our emotions calm and our intellect kicks in and tries to justify the decision. If intellect fails to justify it, we go back into the emotion with vision mode and make another decision.

If we confuse learning with justifying, then aren’t we limiting our learning? But if we keep making decisions to become clearer about the detail as well as breadth of the vision relevant to our aim , we learn more about how to navigate the real terrain toward our aim. We may make 10 ‘wrong decisions’, but we can often get closer to what we want that way than we might making one ‘right’ decision’ . We become more and more effective as we keep making decisions. Clients become more effective that way too.

Decisions about aims are challenging in themselves.

What is going on with you as you face the decision to leave a comment? Is it emotional or intellectual? back and forth between the two? is it simply no easily justified by you to you? No feels safer, often. Maintains the status quo.

What do we as therapists need to see even more clearly in the decision-making process than we do now to more effectively help our clients move toward their aims?

Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb – he did something much better

June 2, 2012

This post is meant to highlight the brilliance of Thomas Edison , not diminish it. But it is indeed true that he did not invent the light bulb. Who did?  See http://www.enchantedlearning.com/inventors/edison/lightbulb.shtml

So what was Edison’s true brilliance? He saw what a light bulb could do to help him accomplish his true aim which was to demonstrate to people what electricity made possible to people. He succeeded as our mutual participation in this interaction attests.

So I find myself in a similar predicament with a discovery I have made.  I have discovered a negotiation system. I have written about it a lot on this blog.  I am now an academic coach for www.campnegotiationinstitute.com. Lots of bright bulbs’ stories there if you check it out.

Now, I know for a fact that this negotiation system works. None of its elements are new, just like electricity wasn’t new, it had been everywhere forever.   The way  that the raw elements of human behavior are organized into a negotiation system that functions to keep you moving in the direction of what you want is new. People are using it successfully every day, and billions of dollars are in play internationally as we speak by operators of this negotiation system.

Writing about this is a bit like trying to sell electricity to people who have never seen a light bulb. I can show you the light bulb  – but not in a post. A picture or words about a light bulb would likely come across like a funny looking candle, nothing special – why bother?  

You’ d have to reach out to me. 401-996-6198

wchase5@yahoo.com

But the irony is, without the confidence that really being a skilled negotiator would give you, I would not blame  you for not really feeling safe trying to make contact directly. There is a lot of manipulation out there, and you show appropriate humility in not trusting yourself, and wisdom in not trusting me.

It is a quandary you and I are in. These are difficult times. And it is entirely  ok with me if you say no, to yourself or to me directly, at any time. Respecting people’s right to veto is the foundation of what CNI teaches. If you ever felt pressured by me and called me on it, and I didn’t respect it, then I’d be exposed as being totally full of shit.

But at least you know for sure that Thomas Edison wasn’t, and because of that you can move on for more internet enjoyment if you wish.  Best, Wim


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