Telling the truth can be dangerous. You could get in trouble. Better be worth it. Might as well make it fun or you’ll just come across as a bore.
Archive for June, 2013
Baggage causes mistrust, suspicion, cynicism, ill will, inflamed/frozen emotions, hyper-reactiveness, skews judgment, and compromises effective decision making. It makes you see the other as a threat, not a respected opponent. If baggage exists in a negotiation, it must be converted to a problem that stands in the way of agreement, and that problem must be solved – calmly, confidently, and effectively. This can take time, effort, and money. A negotiation bogged down by baggage is going nowhere. Wherever it does go is likely to be a place that will be the venue for even more grief
Baggage can definitely affect a negotiation in a negative way, undermining it and/or causing it to shut down.
When baggage is present, it is what builds the vision driving the negotiation. If it is not engaged calmly, nurturingly, respectfully, and truthfully, and if the decisions, behaviours, actions, and activities that caused it to arise, and those that.. are required to negotiate it away are not identified (and negotiated), the entire negotiation is dead on arrival
I have been very interested in this part of our Checklist lately. Baggage blinds us, and ego/pride makes us want to give it much more prestigious names than ‘baggage’ so we defer to it rather than engage with it effectively. I find that in a heartbeat my baggage will put me in that most dangerous of all places mentally, not knowing I am in a negotiation when I am.
You are so right. To discover exactly the causes and sources of the baggage, discover and help the adversary discover a negotiated solution to baggage demonstrates true mastery. Our “default” mode as human beings appears to be that of worsening and and deepening baggage.
- Wim Chase:
“Default” mode describes it well. It is our baggage after all, no one can take it away from us, so it seems safe, as delusional as that may be in reality. The outcome of our negotiations does not hold that certainty at all.
- I am always a decision away from getting back on track, no matter how bleak it feels.
- Decisions are 100 % emotional until the decision is reached, and my emotion will only calm down enough to see more clearly if the decision was right or wrong after I make the decision. That’s life – no way out of having to jump in the water if you want to swim.
- Jim Camp’s system is based on mission and purpose which is always designed to benefit the adversary, not me. Trying to master this system has really caused me to be confronted with my own selfishness and laziness in all its guises. I require a system like Jim’s to overcome this problem. left to myself – I am all about myself, sadly – a pathetic but true takeaway lesson.
- The first 5 minutes of doing preparation for a negotiation sucks, like the first 5 minutes of exercise sucks, but it pays off. It is like I am stiff and rigid in my focus on myself – and I have to stretch my stubborn mental muscles to get into the adversary’s world.
- Journaling regularly about my ups and downs, and asking for help when necessary without neglecting to do what I can do for myself first, are critical to my success as a starting negotiation coach and negotiator.
5½ This is the hardest thing I have ever chosen to learn how to do by far.
If you want to grow, you need to have people in your life who will tell you when you are full of shit or just totally missing the mark. So often we tell ourselves we are doing our best, and we really aren’t. But our egos are very convincing.
If you really want to avoid being full of shit, start interviewing people for the job of telling you. Actually, try to find about 50 people across the spectrum of your life who at least know you want them to tell you you are full of shit or just sucking real bad.
You need a posse of credible people there to help you keep humble and growing.
So , reader, please tell me when you think something I’ve written is just crap – real evidence that I am full of shit. I’d be honored to have you in my posse.
Proof of the transferability of correct mindset to success across disparate human performance effortsJune 14, 2013
I looked up the word ‘mindset’ in the dictionary and it is defined as a mental attitude or inclination. I like the word ‘ inclination’. It has its roots in the word ‘incline’ which has a visual and tactile feel for me. Momentum in negotiation comes from the incline which we who are schooled in the Camp system set up so that benefit can flow toward the adversary – ever tilting one’s activity and behavior to the benefit of the adversary. Maybe it starts as a trickle, but it can keep coming and growing because we have correctly set the incline of our mind. Our neediness, born of habit, is the shakiness that upsets our correct setting of the incline, and we desperately try to lap up a few trickles for ourselves, rendering ourselves useless while we do it. But fortunately we are always a decision away from correctly resetting our incline. I went to a basketball camp as a kid and was lucky enough to hear Larry Bird talked to us about passing. Some of you may recall that he was a tremendous passer. He said to us it is always a mistake on YOUR part if your teammate doesn’t catch a pass you threw. Catching a pass is a skill too, of course, but his point was to stay focused on coming to know your teammate better and what kinds of passes they could handle. Larry had the correct mindset as a passer, and he has continued his success in the business of basketball.