Disagreement in families is normal, but disagreement about respect and how to disagree respectfully is threatens safety and stability in family life. (Amended)


                What to understand and do to achieve and sustain respect in your family

 

Disagreement in families is normal and even healthy sometimes, but disagreement about respect and how to disagree respectfully is a direct threat to safety and stability in family life.

There are basically two paths that families go down when it comes to respect.

Path 1 -Respect: teach and build it through example – consistent demonstration of respect; discipline – consequences/protocol for episodes of disrespect; discussion – what is respect?

Path 2 – Respect:  demand it and only give it if you think you’ve gotten it; freely demonstrate disrespect if you don’t get it; assume everyone shares understanding of it

On path 1 – the following descriptions and prescriptions are appropriate:

When more developed(physically, mentally, and/or financially) family members disrespect less developed family members, that is abuse and/or neglect to the less developed, and disruption to more or equally developed witnesses.

Abuse/neglect can be mild and infrequent, so it is not necessarily an emergency.

When less developed family members disrespect more developed family members,that is disruption to the more developed, abuse/neglect to less developed witnesses.

Disruption can be very harmful, so it is not necessarily something to be taken lightly because it comes from a less developed member.

When a family member disrespects a family member of equal development, it is abusive/neglectful to all witnesses less powerful than they are, and disruptive to all the witnesses who are more developed.

It is the duty of more developed family members to stop abuse/neglect of less developed ones, and reduce disruption to the more developed ones. In other words, preserve safety and stability.

It is the duty of the less developed family members to learn how to be respectful so they can develop in appropriate ways.

When a more developed family member persists in being abusive/neglectful, other family members have the right to call a meeting and/or seek outside help.

When a less developed family member persists in being disruptive, other family members have the duty to call a meeting and/or seek outside help.

 

*Path 2 becomes the norm in families where path 1 protocol is not adhered to or simply fails.

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