Archive for the ‘Narcissism Antidotes’ Category

Je suis Wim Chase

January 11, 2015

Just be yourself.  

Defend everyone’s right to do the same as long as they are not violating 6-10 of the Ten Commmandments.

1-4 of the ten commandments are  personal and social development recommendations.

They seem to become dangerous to the human psyche and human communities when not taken together with 6-10.

I think they actually simply point  you should aim to do the best you can by holding to the highest standard in ALL things.  Why have low standards when you can have high ones?

If you believe that there is a highest that preceeds and exceeds reality – you can call that Reality and try to make it the one thing you remember as often as you can.

That effort is religious effort – available to all of us, even if prefer to remove the R and make it an r.

 

RrRrRrRrRrRr

or rrrrrrrrrr

Whatever or WhateveR…

 

 

 

 

Forgiveness is a creative activity or nothing at all. If you don’t ‘build’ it, it won’t matter if they come.

August 14, 2014

You can only truly forgive someone when you first create an opening  within yourself  so that if they choose to try to move forward they will discover in you an adequate ‘space’ to repent and move on a healthier course.

The opening you build may never be used by them, but you will at least have a window open so that air can come in and freshen your ‘house’.

 

 

Stooping to Greatness – Reflections on Life and Business

August 8, 2014

Stooping to Greatness – Reflections on Life and Business.

Stooping to Greatness – Reflections on Life and Business

August 7, 2014

The single greatest advantage any company can achieve is organizational health.

This is the first sentence from Chapter One of Patrick Lencioni’s book, The Advantage – Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else in Business. I believe it to be true,  and really think anyone who plays a leadership role anywhere, ought to seriously consider what he writes to begin the book. We all play leadership roles somewhere, even if it is just for ourselves as we run our own lives.

Regarding this single greatest advantage, he continues:

… it is ignored by most leaders even though it is simple, free, and available to anyone who wants to do it…If it sound absurd, it should. After all, why in the world would intelligent human beings ignore something that is so powerful and accessible? 

The question was finally answered for me on July 28, 2010. 

I was attending a client’s leadership conference, sitting next to the CEO. This wasn’t just any company. It was, and still is, one of the healthiest organizations I have ever known and one of the most successful enterprises of the past fifty years. In an industry plagued with financial woes, customer fury, and labor strife, this amazing company has a long history of growth and economic success, not to mention financial customer loyalty. Moreover, its employees love their jobs, their customers, their leaders. When compared to others in the same industry, what this company has achieved is almost baffling. 

As I sat there at the conference listening to one presentation after another highlighting the remarkable and unorthodox activities that made this organization so healthy, I leaned over and quietly asked the CEO a semirhetorical question: ” Why in the world doesn’t your competition do any of this?”

After a few seconds, he whispered, almost sadly, ” You know, I honestly believe they think it’s beneath them.”

And there it was.

I have also seen this at the individual and family level in my work as a psychotherapist. The people who improve under my care and maintain their gains all have one thing in common – they establish their mental health or wellness as their top priority. They stop taking it for granted for the rest of their lives. This may seem like an obvious thing to do for someone who is suffering enough to  take  time and money to see a mental health practitioner, but it is not so easy for the many folks who think they are in therapy just to get back to who they used to be before mental health issues set in. They forget that the same person that seemed so strong because they weren’t  struggling with mental health issues also made the decisions that failed to prevent  their current mental health difficulties.

They idealize how they were before mental health challenges struck, and they just can’t bring themselves  to stoop down from their lofty view of their former self and do the new things it takes to achieve and maintain true wellness.

Even if they get better, and many do because they make a surge of effort for a limited time, they remain at high risk for relapse if they do not keep their mental health priority number one.

Sadly, this can reinforce their idealization of themselves before their first mental health episode, and the pattern continues.

 

I imagine organizational leaders fall into similar ruts for similar reasons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The cure to cognitive cancer has to be organic in business and at home

August 2, 2014

Types of cancer tend to be named after the organs where they grow, so the term cognitive cancer seemed apt for this article.

The roots of the words organized and organic are the same – organ.  In a healthy system,  organs receive messages, serve a function in a greater system of organs, and send messages to other organs  in that system. Organs organize organically into organ systems 🙂  So organs have sub-organs, including organs of perception that receive messages and organs of communication that send them.

The questions how , where, when, and  what  have to be constantly asked and answered by our organs of perception and communication. It all has to be organized according to sequence, degree, type, quantity, periodicity, and other variables. Just contemplating how your own body does without any conscious effort on your part is mind-boggling.

Cancer is a system of mass replication that does not serve the greater system. It is organic, but it does not serve the whole system, even though it depends on it to survive and grow. Cancer only serves itself, however shortsighted that is as it kills the system that sustains it.

Generally speaking, our current cognitive systems are very susceptible to cancerous growths.  Just one thought can begin to take you in a cognitive direction resulting in the sorts of actions that end in a destination that some would even call hellish. Some people are psychologically loaded with cancer and their existence is like a hell to them.  We can catch their cancer just by spending time with them and responding unskillfully to the messages their cancer ridden system sends us. Most of us have psychological cancer to some degree.  We know that our physical bodies are fighting cancer cells all the time usually successfully.  Our minds require us to have an immune system for cognitive processes as well.

How do we maintain healthy psychological immune system?  Taking care of our physical and mental organs and organ systems and those of others offers a way to rid ourselves of psychological cancers. Just focusing on curing our own cancer allows us to work on one end of our psychological cancerous ‘tumors’.  Since cognitive cancer is fully pathologically selfish, it will thrive in us if we only focus on our own betterment. Not just about adhering to moral standards,  there is a simple technical reason for unselfishness. Organs of perception that are only self-referential begin to atrophy for lack of diverse stimulation. The whole system weakens and becomes more susceptible to cancerous growth.

So this is where higher consciousness begins to take on some very practical importance to human beings and their endeavors. If you have a higher vantage point you can achieve a broader or more in-depth ability to receive messages from the environment and make better informed decisions to not only fight cancer but develop healthily. Higher consciousness is even more important in a world where we have developed such powerful technologies that serve us but can also destroy us. The human element, the organic element,  is the only way to achieve and sustain higher levels of consciousness that our survival requires in an increasingly complex world.  Without it, enamored of our new found technological efficiency, we risk the temptation of falling into replication thinking to solve our problems – throwing (fill in the  blank ) at problems: logic, technology, data, analysis, skepticism, money, passion, detachment,  formulas, etc.  Despite the best of intentions, the result will be that cognitive cancers will grow in our minds at the expense of our families,  organizations and our individual mental health.

So what do we do?

Almost all of us need folks who have achieved higher consciousness than we have to develop healthily. We did as children, and we do now.   If these people exist, you can be assured that they are organized and looking for qualified candidates for their efforts.  Their methods are certainly organic and not at all something we can predict or manage at our current level. We have to be open to the signals they might already be sending.

These are our teachers.  They are not always who we expect them to be. Only their humility, and ours, can keep the right messages flowing for the right purposes at the right times to the right people. It all has to be aligned, and everyone can’t just have anything they want whenever they want. This is not a mass replication. We are human beings.

Our businesses need these qualified teachers and students. Our families need them too.

Teacher or student, and we are all both really, GK Chesterton’s quote applies to each of us:

We are all in the same boat, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty.”

 

 

 

 

 

Pondering the antidote for the human pride problem is humbling

July 27, 2014

 

Pride is really a human tendency to want to dominate a situation, to gain something. It is not bad in and of itself. It is important enough to our survival as a species to persist in us despite the hazards it creates. It makes me think of how recessive genes for sickle cell anemia offer immunity to malaria, but when two recessive genes combine in one person, it becomes a painful, debilitating, and deadly disease.

Humility has survival value too, as it has also persisted.  It is in constant use by those who are already worthy of employing it as a pathway to real learning, execution and contribution to betterment. Otherwise it rejects our efforts and in so doing invites  us to step back and retrace some preliminary steps we have not really understood yet.

It won’t insist though. Humility never insists. In so many human efforts, pride will rush in and seem to help us get our bearings. By that point, humility has already stepped back. It has done its job  and we have just failed to heed its guidance.  Humility will let us flounder about uselessly guided by pride until we become exhausted.

Meanwhile, not capable of anything on its own, our pride bounces back by insisting on taking credit for the  fruits of humility. And often not even the fruits of our own humility, but someone else’s.

But ultimately our pride will render us incapable of even utilizing those fruits.

So the meek really shall inherit the earth. I just hope pride doesn’t render earth  a place no longer worth  inheriting.

 

 

 

The revenge of the mirror

February 9, 2013

Ever look in a mirror and feel insulted by what you see. I generally don’t, probably because I don’t expect much. I am a 45 year old man and being attractive is not really a priority. I’ve seen photos of myself though, or heard recordings of myself, that were pretty insulting to my ego. I couldn’t really fight back and blame the mirror or photo to recording. It is what it is. Or is it?

Reflections of ourselves carry much more weight than observations or comments  from someone else. You can blame them and their faulty personality or perceptions if you don’t like what they say. But who do you blame when you are looking int he mirror? It is your expectation that makes it insulting or embarrassing, your perception or view of yourself.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We assign beauty to various elements of the world, as well as ugliness. What is the point of it all? Lately there has been this movement where women are fighting back against the super thin super model. They want to reclaim the definition of beauty. It is hard on my daughter who is thin. When she complains about being thin, no one takes her seriously. She is told she is lucky.

None of us are lucky. We are in the world and subject to its definitions and limiting ideas.

But what about the mirror? It just keeps reflecting us back to ourselves. What can we learn from it? I’d like to incorporate ‘mirrorness’ into myself to provide an opportunity to myself and others to look longer, to look at what is looking, and to learn how to see how to see.

 

 

 

 

Colleagues can be resources, not just competitors

September 27, 2012

Antidote #8 to Narcissism

Other people have needs and opinions that matter too.

September 26, 2012

Antidote #7 to narcissism.

I can go for long-term respect from others rather than…

September 24, 2012

always hide my mistakes or weaknesses.

Antidote #6 to narcisssism.


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