Some people don’t care that their expectation that you endure something is hurting you. They carry a bit of a chip on their shoulder, recalling how they have had to be forced or coerced to endure things, so that is just the way it is. It lets them off the hook in that they feel entitled to ask for as much as they want from you. They have a constantly fresh sense of their own suffering that justifies that -it just feels fair to them.
Ironically, that same sense of themselves as ahving always had to endure so much causes them to be completely intolerant of sacrificing right now. They tear into you if you ask for something or act in a way that is inconvenient for them. They see themselves as tough, wanting you to measure up, yet they are not tough at all, quite the opposite.
They have a fixed view of themselves as victims who have endured much, who want to set the world straight by expecting others to endure the same, and who refuse to endure anymore than they already have.
They have lost all sense of prpoportion and balance.
How do they lock into this mindset? It is hard to say but I think it goes back to events in their emotional development. They get forced into something at just the wrong time and it cripples them.
Think of a catapillar in the cocoon. If you try to take it out of the cocoonbefore it is ready, you will open up and find mooshy goo. When you are mooshy goo and surrounded by butterflies, it becomes your life’s work to restore some order and make everyone feel like mooshy goo.
Butterflies, despite their advantages over a pile of goo, can still get stuck in it and be prevented from flying again.
If they do fly, the goo that is stuck to them gets to fly some too. They will try to take credit for the heights you achieve, even though they are just goo.
Goo.
Next time you deal with someone like this – you can break their spell and avoid their sticky trap if you just remember silently to yourself:
” goo – you are goo ” 😉
Wim Chase 